He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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