apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us