i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?