i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.