I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I understand Curling. That high.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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