I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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