is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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