I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
