is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
