I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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