remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
