he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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