i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
false alarm, still single
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
