god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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