I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
