do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
