Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
