About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
