This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
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He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
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Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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