i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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