dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
