Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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