Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
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