If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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