she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
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I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
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I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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