am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
