I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
