Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
