I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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