my vag is so smooth its legendary
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
