Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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