I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
