If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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