Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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