i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
