The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
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She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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