I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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