You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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