I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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