Where are you?
In a non slutty way
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
