I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
