I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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