Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She just used a chaser for red wine.
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He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
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And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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