I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
