giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
