a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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