I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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