don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
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Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
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Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So much rum. So many feels.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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