dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
