i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
