Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You were trust falling into bushes
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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