I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
