my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
