It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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