I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
