I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
