She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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