you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
