I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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