He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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