this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
